“Thankfully, our disappointments matter to God, and He has a way of taking even some of the bitterest moments we go through and making them into something of great significance in our life. It’s hard to understand it at the time. Not one of us wants that thread when it is being woven in. Not one of us says, “I can hardly wait to see where this is going to fit.” We all say at that moment, “This is not the pattern I want.””
Ravi Zacharias (Our Disappointments Matter to God)

Loss… After a year of having to say more goodbyes than hellos, I am having a very hard time keeping my heart open to people. I strongly desire to shepherd and love on people but at the same time I have this deep fear in the pit of my stomach that they will be gone in no time.

These past 11 months have taken a toll on me…

With the many losses I’ve experienced I know the Lord is preparing me and teaching me something… I sense that He’s teaching me how to let people go. You see I am extremely relational. I have a giant heart for people. I love to love on them. But I can sense my heart hardening and not wanting to let any more people in, because I’m afraid of the pain I experience when they are gone. That place they once filled, empty again. Maybe I put too many expectations on people… maybe. It’s something I am learning, expecting from Christ alone, living for Christ amongst all the other precious people He places in my life.

But I think it’s also important that I learn how to let those people go…

“At the end of your life, one of three things will happen to your heart: it will be hardened, broken, or made tender. These terms are not clichés; they are real. Nobody escapes. Your heart will become coarse and desensitized, be crushed under the weight of disappointment, or be made tender by that which makes the heart of God tender as well. God’s heart is a caring heart.”
Ravi Zacharias (Our Disappointments Matter to God)
I was reading again about my good shepherd and I realized something… In letting people go, I’m not just letting them go into the empty abyss… nor am I letting them go to the wolves… no I’m surrendering them over to their good shepherd. The One who searches for them, saves them, guides them, and supplies all their needs. I’m letting them go into His care. That’s how I can learn to open up my heart and my hands and let them go… by confidently placing them into the tender loving hands of our good shepherd. He guides with love.
“Lord, continue to soften my heart… make it tender. I want to see the beauty in holding people with wide open hands.”
“For thus says the Lord God: Behold, I, I myself will search for my sheep and will seek them out. As a shepherd seeks out his flock when he is among his sheep that have been scattered, so will I seek out my sheep, and I will rescue them from all places where they have been scattered on a day of clouds and thick darkness. And I will bring them out from the peoples and gather them from the countries, and will bring them into their own land. And I will feed them on the mountains of Israel, by the ravines, and in all the inhabited places of the country. I will feed them with good pasture, and on the mountain heights of Israel shall be their grazing land. There they shall lie down in good grazing land, and on rich pasture they shall feed on the mountains of Israel. I myself will be the shepherd of my sheep, and I myself will make them lie down, declares the Lord God. I will seek the lost, and I will bring back the strayed, and I will bind up the injured, and I will strengthen the weak, and the fat and the strong I will destroy. I will feed them in justice.”
‭‭Ezekiel‬ ‭34:11-16‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Published by: Rebekah Clearwater

In a world of noise, writing is the catalyst that drives my focus back to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, and reminds me of the hope I have in Him— nothing has changed, yet everything has changed.

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