B2D7559E-96E0-4944-B193-A1EDF1FE0352Inside of each woman is a longing to be beautiful, to be desirable, to be somebody that someone might like. To stand out— to shine! Most think this is vanity, something we should just shut out and ignore.
I’m not sure it’s something we should cover up. 

Could this longing for beauty in the depths of every woman in fact be the cry of Christ to come alive? The desire for all to behold the glory of God?

He gave us eyes. He gave us desires. Hearts too.

Attraction is not evil in itself.
Wanting to be attractive or desirable to others isn’t evil either.
It’s when that becomes the main focus, then we need to start paying attention.

I’ve always wanted to get to a point where if someone called me beautiful, I would automatically think inward beauty… He’s getting me there. But through it I am starting to see that outward beauty does matter too.

After all, in the garden before the fall He did create us with eyes, and a body.

Your outward appearance leaves a first impression of who you are.

It connects you to others.

It reflects your inward self… How you are feeling from day to day.

If my heart is bursting inside, it’s going to show on my face.

My struggle as of lately: allowing the desire to be beautiful to be my main focus.

What I’d like: The desire to simply want to be beautiful in the eyes of my Beholder alone.

If I’m honest, and I’m going to be… I really don’t like what I see in the mirror these days. In fact I’m ashamed of it. I’m ashamed of the rolls that have taken form on my midsection when I sit down, and the double chin I seem to not be able to hide in every single picture.

As I write this, I am haunted by thoughts of panic, almost stopping me from posting. But I step ahead of the fear in courage… because I know a lot of people need this. Not just me. The thoughts sound like this… what will people think of me when they hear about what I’ve tried all these years to cover up? When they hear about my double chin, and the rolls I should not have? Will I still have worth in their eyes? Or will they look at me differently?
What will the others think when they hear that I honestly do care about my outward appearance? A little too much, too often. Will they see me as vain? Will they stop listening to what I have to say?

My outward beauty being my only focus is not what Christ wants for me. No. But I’ve learned and am continuing to learn to give myself space.

The truth is: I was a girl with anorexia. And I’m still in process. Just 5 years ago I was ninety-some pounds. I saw myself at that weight. I remember clearly how my body looked at that weight, what it felt like as well. Even at that weight, I was not happy, I was not content.
I felt the shame then and I at times still do.

The truth is: I’m still a little afraid of fat.

I used to think allowing someone to become fat was the worst thing God could allow to happen to someone. Do I still think that? No. But…

The truth is: I’m a work in progress. There are quite obviously still blinders over my eyes. I’m now a lot more pounds, feeling far too ashamed to share the number and actually I am quite happy, quite content. Just the odd time it takes me out.

Like for example when I see a picture of myself… That’s a trigger.

The truth is: I need to start seeing fat and it’s purpose through Christ’s lens. It’s not evil, after all He did call it good in the garden.
As soon as I stop seeing fat as evil… then I may finally be free.
We all may finally be free!

… Fat is not the worst thing that could happen to someone. That’s where I am at.

The truth is: I’m growing.

The truth is: I’m learning to see myself through Christ’s eyes.

The truth is: I’m asking Him to renew my mind, daily!

The truth is: It takes time.

I’m praying for you. Would you pray for me? I need to learn more about the beauty of Christ. The true beauty aching to come and be made visible in this mere vessel.

The Lord in His mercy has been whispering these words in my ear day after day…
“I wish you saw yourself the way I see you.”

He thinks I’m beautiful. He calls me beautiful. He made all of us that way.

Fearfully and wonderfully made.

He says the same thing to you.
“I wish you saw yourself the way I see you.”

Lord, give us Your eyes!

Abba, come to our aid…
We want to see ourselves the way You see us!
Strip off the blinders, once and for all!

“Let the king be enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord.”
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭45:11‬ ‭NIV


Published by: Rebekah Clearwater

In a world of noise, writing is the catalyst that drives my focus back to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, and reminds me of the hope I have in Him— nothing has changed, yet everything has changed.

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