2017 was quite possibly one of the most painful years of my life. In feelings of being stuck, with no where to go, literally in a pit. In feelings of loneliness, and overwhelming thoughts that maybe this life just isn’t worth living. In deep disappointment and feelings of not being where I would want to be by this year and this age. But still the word I would use for 2017 of what God has been for me is faithful. He has been faithful to pursue me when I’ve let my heart grow bitter and have cared less to pursue Him. In the moments when I’ve ran away from His love, thinking I might find better elsewhere. In the moments of pain and unbearable loneliness, He’s been faithful to stick right by my side. To hold me in a way I’ve never been held. In doubt and insecurities He’s been faithful to teach me that in Him I am secure, and I’m exactly where He wants me. He is leading me, and He is not lost, nor will He lead me astray. He’s been faithful to whisper in my ear over and over again, “sweetheart I’ve got you.” He’s been faithful to lead me to the right people, the right counselors to walk with me through this journey called life. He’s been faithful to teach me that His kindness leads me to repentance. In His mercy He reveals to me my sin so that I no longer have to live separate from Him. I can come back into a place of full communion with the One my soul yearns for. He was faithful to lead me through tears to the verses that spoke of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane, when He said, “not my will, but Your will be done.” He was faithful to teach me that the cup Jesus asked the Father to take from him was not the physical suffering, it was the separation of the Father. I realized in that very moment. Jesus endured the ultimate suffering, and He endured it for me. I realized I can go through anything here on earth because the suffering I go through here on earth pales in comparison to the suffering my Savior endured for me, and the glory that will be revealed in me in eternity. God has been so gracious to show me that this had to happen, in order for that to happen, and so on. Life is a process. He has been faithful to light up my path and teach me over and over again that He is leading me. I am learning to say, “Abba lead.”
“The path of the righteous is like the morning sun, shining ever brighter till the full light of day.”
Though this was a hard year, and I faced many challenges. God put on my heart a desire this year that no matter what, I will do this season well for the sake of Christ. There were many blessings that came from enduring such a trying season. Right from the start the Lord gave me a deep longing to seek Him, and find Him. Little did I know I wasn’t only seeking Him for my own gain. I was seeking Him on behalf of others. 2017 bread opportunity. The opportunity to write for others. And have that writing be published in the year to come. (Shameless plug— look out for the book Life Abundant & Free— Finding a Rich and Satisfying Life in Christ by Rebekah Clearwater in March!) The opportunity to become a member of a group called Hope Restored Canada and join them in seeking the Lord and praying on behalf of deep injustices in our city regarding sex trafficking. The opportunity to change jobs, and become not only a working woman. As well as opportunity to go home and see my family much more often and let those relationships grow deeper. The opportunity to stand up for my best friend as she said. “I do” to the man of her dreams. The opportunity to be engaged in a new community of people who are on a very similar path as I am. All who have a huge heart and passion for more of the Lord in their lives and less of them. The opportunity to venture my way back to Elim Church full time. I’m pretty excited about that! And last, but definitely not least. The opportunity to go to Kenya and fall in love with the place, the culture, and the people. This was probably one of the greatest blessings I’ve ever received in my entire life.
Bring on the new year! My hope and prayer for 2018 is that I would learn contentment. Contentment that comes from Christ alone. By His strength. (Philippians 4:13) To be so secure. So fulfilled, so at rest in His love, basking in it daily. That I would have need of no other. I think the real ingredient to contentment is trust. Trusting Abba through the good, bad, and the ugly. I pray this year would be a year of expectation, that I would take risks, and start to dream again. My motto for the year, “She stood at the door of hope, and she walked in.”
HAPPY 2018 MY FRIENDS… GOD’S RICHEST BLESSINGS ON YOU IN THE YEAR TO COME!