Over and over again I have put unrealistic expectations on myself.
And then I fail. I fail myself. I fail God. I let people down. (It seems like a never ending cycle).
Will I ever be good enough? Will I ever measure up? Will I ever be all that I expect myself to be? Or that I feel people expect me to be? Or who God expects me to be? Am I ever going to be perfect?
The answer is: no.
You’re human. You will fail. You will let people down, but you will never fail God. God isn’t shocked by the way things turned out. Nothing surprises Him. He’s bigger than all that. His hand is in it all.
The problem is in striving endlessly not to fail, you inevitably will fail. Your focus is directed on you. The outcome depends on you. You think in some way if I just do this all right, then life should eventually work itself out for good. Right? You think it’s up to you to make things run smoothly. It’s all on you.. Oh the anxiety that brings, the burden that kind of thinking weighs on your shoulders. That’s why you are so afraid to fail. You believe you are the one in control. You limit God, and His omnipotence. You put Him in a box. You don’t truly believe He can bring beauty from ashes.
Your freedom, your only hope: coming to know the One who is in control.
Maybe He allows you to fail so you can finally recognize that He doesn’t want you doing it on your own. He wants to reveal to you your utter dependance on Him in ways you could never imagine. He wants to show you that you don’t have to fear failure. He is able, even through failure. He is sovereign. You fall down, so He can finally come in and be the hero that He is and pick you up. His glory is revealed.
It’s not about you and you having a perfect life. It’s all about Him, all for His glory. He’s not after your happiness, it’s your holiness that He is much more concerned about.
It’s okay to feel utterly weak. Give yourself permission to be human. Forgive yourself when yet again you seem to have failed. When yet again you didn’t learn from your past mistakes. When yet again you feel like you’ve let everyone down, including God.
Repent. Ask for Gods forgiveness for putting your hope in yourself. In your strength, in your wisdom, in your works. Not in His. Thank Him that He never is disappointed in you. He knows you. He knows you are merely human, you’re bound to fail. He wants you to rely on His strength, His wisdom and place all hope in Him believing that He is bigger than anything you ever endure. He is working through the failures to bring good. He is transcendent. He is above all.
You are loved, and taken care of. Not based on how you perform, or whether or not you fail. But just because you are His.
“I know that You can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted.”
Further reading: Isaiah 61