This morning I woke up with my mind all in a bind. I was worried about my future. Wanting to control it.
For some reason I think I know better at times then God, Himself. Believe me I don’t understand that at all.
I think this 24 year old young lady has a better understanding of what is best for her than the sovereign Father who created her and adores her. Who literally knew her before she was even knit together in her mothers womb.
Makes no sense?
Anyways I was fretting. I was doubting God could do the impossible in my life. I thought I had to do the impossible.
Which also makes no sense. How can I, a mere human do the impossible?
Do you know why my mind turned there? To doubt, to worry, to anxiety, to fear? I do.
Because instead of looking at my loving Savior, how He acts for His beloved, and resting in my security I have been given in Him. My eyes were fixed on my life. The fact that it’s not quite where I wished it would be.
I was listening to lies that told me that I lack something, and if I had that something I’d be much better off.
That piece to the puzzle of life would make me complete. It would be my happily ever after.
“You will keep him in perfect peace, Whose mind is stayed on You, Because he trusts in You.”
Isaiah 26:3 NKJV
My mind was not dwelling on who He is. My eyes were not fixed on the author and perfector of my life, of my faith, and of my salvation. On all He’s given me, and the fact that without Him I have nothing. Everything I need is found in Him. I wasn’t meditating on the truth that He is a loving Father who only gives good gifts. Or the fact that I trust He knows what is best in the right now for His daughter.
Rather my mind was dwelling on the things I do not have and what I like to think I need.
“So I say to you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. If a son asks for bread from any father among you, will he give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent instead of a fish? Or if he asks for an egg, will he offer him a scorpion? If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him!”
Luke 11:9-13 NKJV
It’s in the utter panic that we often get to come back to the truth.
“And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.””
John 8:32 NKJV
So thank You God for allowing me at times to get in this little tizzy. Rather than condemning myself and starting to believe lies that I’m never going to get past this.
I choose to see it as an opportunity.
I get to see who you are through this and how You work, making no mistakes. You cover me with Your love and grace. You look at me and lovingly say, “Sweetheart you don’t have to worry. Trust me. I am God. Your Father. I am for you. I am for your future. All my children are protected and in my hands. I am consistent. My love for you doesn’t change. The only hardships I allow are the ones for your good. Think back. Many times you wouldn’t have learnt what you’ve learned if it weren’t for this or that. I am for you sweetie pie. Everything is under My sovereign reign. I’ve got a greater plan, a greater vision. One that sees your whole entire life, including the man you may marry, the children you one day may have, the grandchildren and even the great. Don’t panic. Trust Me. I will never leave you nor forsake you love. And I go before you!”
Faith… not so much about being certain of exactly what He is going to do, but just knowing and being secure in who He is. Resting and finding great joy in that.
Not all those who wander are lost.
I’m beginning to learn this life really is a process. Its about the little moments, that make up the big ones. It’s not about every prayer being answered exactly how we think it should be. It’s not about life always going our way. It’s about the many teaching opportunities in our sometimes mundane or even chaotic lives. Where we come to know the heart of the Father, and we begin to finally learn to trust Him. So every time, no matter what unknown. We know the truth. He was faithful and He remains. His faithfulness never ends. He’s showing Himself faithful right now.
“If we are faithless, He remains faithful; He cannot deny Himself.”
II Timothy 2:13 NKJV
I really think that’s all He wants from His children… total dependence on Him. Complete trust. He loves for us to need Him. We can’t do this life on our own. We are desperate for our Savior.
After all without Him we can do nothing.
“I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.”
John 15:5 NKJV
He allows the wandering. He allows the panic, the sudden fear…
It is in these moments that we have no where to turn except to Him and then He can finally do His perfect work, speak and be heard.